emotionally....scarY

to be frank, I've attempted blogging several times these few days..but I've was stuck. Everthing around me seems to stuck nowadays. My laptop stucks ,my words stuck, I begin to not know how to express things correctly,my pens stuck, and I'm stuck too. LOL, even after eating sweetcorns cause the residues to stuck in between my teeth.=( not to mention chocolates, cakes, crisps, sandwiches etc etc etc.. And figuratively, I'm stucK in between something that I'm yet to find the answers to it. By the way, just to make things clear,I'm not sad..I don'tthink I'm sad bout anything either.

It seems like, words aren't enough to convey what I'm writing these days. Maybe even my blog that's once calming doesn't understand me. I don't understand myself either. That's the whole problem. I'm becoming..."shen zhing bing" =( And I don't think I wanna admit that.LOLOLOLOLOL

Yes, I'm happy with my life and all .seriously. I am really really really contented.God has given me almost everything I need.. But, I just don't understand my own moodswings nowadays; getting more and more vulnerable even to minor things, and to think back, I'm actually losing my rationality, my patience and the cold me.I'm just..LOST.
*nods* I believe that I feel lost.. *thinks again*

And then, I begin to wonder..if females are emotionally weaker than the males. Or it's just the hormones that makes all the differences, that determine the drastic and extreme changes in moods. Take moms for example, I'm not talking bout all moms, but mostly..they're more..i mean less successful in controlling their tempers compared to the fathers. I still wonder why is that so. Is it because of the burden they carry or they're just, blatantly emotionaL. Dads are on the contrary, pictured as the more calm being, rational and able to handle stress well. Maybe, they are really more calm..or perhaps, they're just kinda more successfuL in controlling their emotions.
Whatever it is, for the time being, I would say that females, are generally more moody. I guess so...and they channel their emotions, through blaming others and being irrational,losing temper on others, thinking negatively, crying for no reason

that's just a baseless opinion I could draw at this very moment.It would be a different case if I'm taking up pshychological classes I reckon. even the 3 months period of internship leads me to think this way. The seniors who're guys are comparably, much more happy-go-lucky and display the cheerful, vibrant look..as compared to the females. Well, cut it short. I'm generalizing things, so prove me wrong..

That's the externaL picture I could draw. But, then..what makes me afraid of..is what I'm feeling right now.

I..had many confessions to make..just to prove that I'm crazy. @@ hahahahaha
I've cried, in public summore! so not me! There was once, when I entered into the lrt station..and ended up in cheras TWICE!!!!instead of Ampang. I've taken the wrong train, just becoz the train notice board didnt indicate where it was heading to. Not even a sign of 'tren ini ke Ampang/Sri Petaling. There I was, crying in the train station!!!!haHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA T.T

Little things do irritates me a lot. Even music can be annoying. I'm becoming totally noise intolerant at times, that I just wanna lock myself up and keep myself from human interactions..but, den again, up to a certain point, i seem to realize that doing this would make me feel lonely.Humans just can't leave without interactions, without noises...etc.

I bought a pair of earplugs as well xDDD , throwing cash unnecessarily for something which I won't use.

And, at times, I do feel that I'm getting too emotional over words..that my heart goes T.T and T.T non stop.
Tell me something touching and I'll go all the way hugging you.hahaha.
Even watching some drama serioes, any dramas that contains at least a bit of touching scenes would make my eyes go watery.
T,T
Even when my mom tells me to do something, I was like T.T
And I got upset for putting the icecream box into the refrigerator instead of the fridge >_<

I just don't believe how could someone, just T.T although she's not sad at all.
Dat's the whole problem.
I'm either getting easily touched, or getting..''shen zhing bing''. If it's about exams, I don't feel the fear yet,i guess. so why am I behaving like T.T <<<
LOL, maybe I should exercise more..jog in my residential area, do push ups, sit ups..
jump around or sth..to make my cells happier.watch comedies, or just crack some lame jokes and laugh. does it work?

=DDDD

yerrrr, am I me?


And btw, my new sem is really like...a waterfall ,water gushing down non stop..hitting the rocks...rivers overflowing~~~ xD how thrilling. THat's the beauty i seee =) , dear lecturers.hehehe

day onE

why..oh why.
even on the very first day of lecture, we smelled the scent of stress overflooding. Lecturers were already reminding us bout the continuous exams, internal papers, external papers..progress tests, 2nd sem without breaks, tutorial presentations and no holidays, we cant even afford a day for chirstmas.. (does it mean i'm not able to celebrate my birthday as well?) 5 hours of lecture and 3 hrs of tutorial classes per subject, i guess we're gonna have a snoring session in class..see who snores the loudest? haha.and someone was already, constantly looking at my watch, counting down even on the very first day xp I guess i need food supplies like sweets, snacks,chocolate, drinks etc, Lotsa deM in my backpack

Neways, internship real changed us a lot, at least in terms of maturity level other than some other experiences we've gained. Some undergo great stress or pressure, which is likely to become the source of motivation or at least, more or least serves as a comparison~ whether you would rather work, or to study) 'One year of torture,rather than spending years for these ACCA papers' said our lovely,motherly supervisor. "and you all already look stress. don't worry, it'll escalate more' O.O It's so fun hearing her speak, so serious yet humorous.. <3
time flies. @.@? does it?nvm..it's just 1 yr. And time does flies. =(

Wish me luck and happiness, loads of them. Maybe it doesn't really sound as bad as informed by seniors, rumours and lecturers?whether or not the pressure is that intense, I stillneed the wishes.and i do need lotsa motivation so my mind doesn't go astraY;or goes all the way obeying my continuous, immortal rebellious thoughts to procrastinate.

hmm, life's about that.We can't escape from the daily routine, don't we? Even if u're working..u do the same thing everyday. Even wen ur studying, you go to college everyday..etc and hardly find chance to, experience something less routine at times.
And sometimes, things don't just go as smoothly as planned, and there're always cumberstones along the pathways. But there re really times when you could be happy in life, God has made it that way. I feel trully blessed.

Whatever it is, we'll just have to like what we're doing, don't we?What else more can we do, other den going through things with a welcoming heart? it's not that we have a choice anyway.1 year is all it takes, before I can have some...breaking free freedom, unleashing myself froM these binding chains minus the hecticness sitting in the office, surrounded wif files.. of course. hehe, contradicting thoughts.

Honestly, I fear the routine more than the stress right now. >.< i'm- still- in -da-holiday- mood kinda feeling =(

*takes a deep breath and sighs* =) I love holidays. sayonara holidays~ miss u holidays, and miss.. lau >.<

7.5.2010

blogs aren't inspiring because of the words, i guess it's how the person who writes it feels at the moment he or she starts placing his fingers on the keyboard, and let the flow of thoughts to do the job.. That's how I've felt reading some posts which aren't meant to be inspiring, yet inspires the others...especially the ones battling with troubles or the ones..battling for life >< putting all the faith on God.

i've been doing fine lately =) though i wish to have the amount of money to travel overseas now..or go somewhere..*sigh* nowhere. I'm left with another week to another phase, so close eh. bah~~

stop that thoughts, i've been relaxing for the past few weeks, didn't I? I couldn't agree more that time does flies, and it doesn't just fly, it flies without us knowing that it's flying. what the crap am i talking about

urm..yeah..I believe that i torture myself, in a way.. T.T to be happy. I like listening to sad, deep, emotional songs..besides the soothing ones..
and enjoy watching scenes which are really really touching (and you may theorize but why my eyes look extraordinarily big or extraordinarilly puffy )
but...sad or touching dramas or animes or novels or whatsoever do have some sweetness in it, that's the catch.

And sleep! me likeY (cuz we dont get to sleep as much wen skul reopens) <3 and eat <3 me likey likey >.< (cuz we don't get to eat as much wen skul reopens...?? o.o )I can actually pass my time happily doing nothing...but, letting my neuron system fulfil my gastronomical needs..
or sitting down on the couch staring at something, like the wall@@ sot jor @@ i shouldn't do dat often, it's scary =S And I'd been dining out a lot, I guess i should cut dowN on the excessive monosodium glutamate intake..else I may get bald one day. hehehehe

Went to the optician to check my eyes dat day...I'm getting blind >.<
I mean my power increased drastically, didnt check my eyes for the past...6 yrs *counts* and *recounts*



Went up the hill the other day...and, it was..awesome and heaven-like. didnt know that there's such places around my area, pretty inspiring place. You could actually find a beautiful spot to watch the sunrise if ur lucky enuf..or at least, settle down and enjoy the morning breeze..listening to the sound of the
the splashing waterfall of endless rhythm.... One true picture perfect moment that I have captured

or just relax near the lake, so beautiful..and tranquil..I love this place despite the rocky, steep tracks where u could nearly slip dowN and break ur brittle bones while getting up or going down the hill =X Remember me mentioning that I wish to go somewhere..really ....really far awaY~~ guess this place isn't far..but at least it is somewhere I could find peace







I love this scenery up the hill, near the lake xDDD so don't mind me reposting this xDDDD Couldnt believe that i'm such a gud photographer..
~admires~(^.-)


somehow, this picture reminds me of twilight..when edward sparkled..kekeke






Kiut =D It's moving slowlY~~~~ (..looks kinda dead in this pic though)



~~~Drenched



And someone complained that she doesn't only wanna see the fridge...in my office.upload more pics..Takes time to upload pics la >.< nxt post nxt post







=( and icecream..